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DEAR FAITH:

I have eight direct reports. My frustration is that team members are always complaining to me about each other. They never talk directly to each other - they just complain to me! Every day someone's in my office griping about another team member. When I tell them to work it out with each other, they don't do anything. All they do is complain. What can I do? I don't want to be in the middle any more.

DEAR TIRED:

Complaining is easy. Facing problems head on is tough. As a manager, it's your job to ensure performance - but this doesn't mean get involved in peer squabbles. Encourage employees to resolve the issues they have with each other. Refuse to get overly involved. 

The next time an employee comes to you and complains, say, "Thank you for sharing your concerns. I am glad to know what's going on in the department. For our team to be successful, everyone must work out their differences. Have you talked directly to ____ about this? My role is to help you figure out what YOU can do. I'm only willing to listen if you're willing to deal with the problem." Express confidence in the employee's ability to do so. 

Don't let peer conflicts land in your lap or you'll feel like a baby sitter. 

DEAR FAITH:

I recently lost my job and I'm not sure what career direction to take. I like being part of an organization but after three months, I also enjoy my freedom and independence. I'm thinking about becoming a consultant. How do I decide what's right for me? How do I know which direction to head?

DEAR ROSA LEE,

It's great you're considering both options. Too many leaders get stuck in' one-way' solutions. Why not pursue both ideas at once? Until you're sure what you want to offer as a consultant, keep looking for jobs that appeal to you. 

While you're exploring, give yourself permission to dream. Identify projects that capture your interest. Ask yourself: "What would I be willing to do for free? "Would anyone pay me for this- or is it just a hobby?" Talk to others about work that interests you. Ask friends; "What am I really good at doing?" 

Discover the ups and downs of the consulting world. Define your value proposition as a consultant. Volunteer in an area of interest. There's more than one right answer. Make a decision and remember you can make a different choice next time. 

DEAR FAITH:

DEAR ANNOYED:

Find time to talk with you manager in private. Tell her you love your job and enjoy working in the department - but that you have a problem and need her help. Simply say, "I feel uncomfortable talking about my personal life at work. I'd like to keep our conversations focused on work. Would this be Ok with you?" If she persists and still drops by to chat, simply interrupt and say; "I need to go. I have work to do." You are under no obligation to listen to your boss's personal saga. 

DEAR FAITH:

I have been with my company for 15 years. The last two years have been tough. We've had three lay offs and two mergers. I'm frustrated and so are my employees. There's so much uncertainty and everyone is worried about keeping their job - include me! I'd like to pull my team together and help them feel better about working for the organization. But I'm as worried and fearful as they are. How do I maintain my professionalism but still feel like a human being?

DEAR BALANCE:

I applaud your question. The best managers do exactly what you're striving for - balancing heart and head. 

Here are some quick tips for achieving this: At the beginning of staff meetings give each person one-minute to "check in." Encourage team members to share positive experiences and challenges they're facing. Join the discussion and share your own experiences. Invite team members to talk about "what's going right" in the department. 

Ask employees to share both opinions and feelings about changes under way. Say; "I welcome your opinions and feelings about this matter." Ask; "What aren't we saying that needs to be said?" Share your own feelings. 

Strike a balance. If your group is too rational, encourage them to share feelings; if they're drowning in self-pity, encourage action and rational decision making. Remember, it's OK to visit pity city - but not OK to move in. 

Topics

• Managing Talents and Career